Calendars are our friends

There's this thing called, "Scanner Panic"--and I have been experiencing it again. Specifically attacking me is the part where I forget that there's a "future" and feel overwhelmed by the amount of things I want to accomplish. Because of course I have to start them all this week or they'll never get done. Of course.

I'd forgotten how easy it is for me to slip into that.

So I ran to the copier at lunch and snagged three pieces of 11x17 paper. I divided them each into two halves and wrote years at the top of the sections: 2008 through 2013. Six years. Which still looked incredibly daunting and drawn out to me. Won't I be old and possibly dead by then? That's when I decided to also write in the lower left corner of each section the age I will be for most of that particular year. You know how old I'll be in 2013? 36. THIRTY-SIX!!!!! That's not remotely old! Heck, my sister just turned 37, and a good third of my friends are 35 or 36. And they're doing just fine. The age thing was far more grounding that the date notation for me, so I just need to stay focused on that.

For 2008, I plan to:
Edit Oblivion; Send out a book proposal (or 7); try to sell five photos; volunteer at the Equest Center (which I've already started--one down!); pay off the Spicer's; start savings for cottage; put together a columnist proposal package; start freelancing again; take an intermediate French class; propose three articles; and enter three story contests. And I have another nine months in which to accomplish these. That's kind of a long time.

Quitting my job is slated for the end of 2009, learning to cross-country ski and taking a humpback whale tour are 2010 goals, and in 2013, I'll learn to sail and take a calligraphy course. There are 41 other goals on the list for 2009 through 2013, but that's totally doable! I think. Because I don't have to do them all right now. (Getting married appears nowhere on the list, in case you're wondering).

Weekend randomness

Last night, I got bored. That's the first time I've been bored in almost two months. Truly, mind-numbingly, restlessly bored. I blame facebook.

So finally I got super impatient with myself. I sat down, got out my Scanner Daybook (formally known as "The Glittering Dragon's Hoard of Ideas and Stuff" or "The Hoard" for short), and started writing. My first list was titled, "Seriously, right now, at this very moment, what I do I want to do with my life?" A heck of a lot, which surprises no one. And much of it has nothing to do with anything else. Last night, most of it wasn't even job related. (As always, this is subject to change).

Which led to my next list: "Things I want to have money for," actually a fairly short list. Granted, I didn't list things like food or clothes or cat food. I listed things that could conceivably be goals to save money for. Things like braces, the cottage I've been designing for the last month, two good cameras--one digital, one film, both SLR, a scanner retreat, paying off debt, a new mattress set, and a car with a warranty. That's actually most of the list, right there.

I have this mass of ideas that could actually make some of this money for me. That's what I'm good at--I'm the idea queen. It's the implementation that gets me. I have an entire business plan in mind for one project. I just can't seem to get to the point of doing it.

I want a job as a consultant for businesses. Ramping up their creativity and retraining them to brainstorm. And then leave. Jody came up with the perfect name for it. "Prime the Pump" Workshops. Now. How the heck do I do that? And who would hire me?

Thoughts? Ideas? Cattle prods?

Science--right before your eyes!

Every week, we have a meeting here at work. We sit in the conference room, windowed on three sides--which, I think you'll agree, is perfect for distraction. I carefully sit with my back to the windows looking out on the street, and angle my chair east toward the windows looking over the parking lot to the wooded swampland beyond. The third wall looks directly into the lobby.

Hanging in the lobby are three large globe lights suspended at different heights. Here's where the science comes in. I sit in meetings and watch the longest of the lights gently swinging. It's not even a subtle movement--swirl, swirl, swirl.

I love that we have our very own pendulum to demonstrate the rotation of the earth! Foucault would be so proud.

Sadly, most people don't notice this marvel of science so cleverly designed into our building. Even if I point it out or say something about it, I get mostly, "Huh..." or blank looks or "Foucault's pendulum? Didn't Poe write that?" I despair.

Nevertheless, I may be the only person geeking out to this, but I love it. No one ever looks up, but if they did, they'd see science happening.

Pathetic and hungry

That red star is me. Those red dots really far away? Those are the closest Sonics to me. This makes me sad. In a sorrowful way. Probably in a pathetic way, too, though.

Here be dragons...

If you're ever looking for a perfect present for me, you could never, ever do any better. Ever.

His name would be Ptolemy and I don't know why.

In which I discover music

A few weeks back, someone I didn't know sent me a myspace friend request. I usually say no, but out of curiosity, I generally check their pages anyway--hey, it might be someone I knew once upon a time. She apparently found me through Over the Rhine's page (they are on my friends list). She's a singer, and her voice...instantly mesmerizing. Then a few days ago, when I was looking for her albums and prices, I ran into a few other bands I've never heard of that I like. So here's a list for you to check out.

1. Katrina Parker
The original. Just lovely. She's got six songs that automatically play when you open this page. I tend to prefer her slow songs, which remind me of Karin Berquist. Her fast songs are fun, too, and remind me of a smoother or older Fiona Apple. I've discovered that, unlike most artists, including the ones I love, when I turn her up really loudly in my headphones, it actually helps me focus and write at work. Strangest thing.

2. Trespassers William
Her voice is just so...believable. Or something. Maybe a heartier Innocence Mission vibe? ETA: Nope. I just listened again and it's a definite Aimee Mann vibe. Also, I think I like their stuff on their first notable CD (Disappearing Star or something like that) better than any of their other stuff. So I'm gonna stick to that one, I think.

3. Mandrake
NOT the German death metal band of the same name or the '70s Japanese electronica version. This one I like, but I can tell it's an "only in certain moods" kind of thing.

Have any of you made any musical discoveries? Always looking for new stuff (and loving the old).

The Biological Imperative to Idiocy

There's been a lot of adultery in the news lately. This has, in turn, led to a lot of discussion about the reasons why, the pathologies of powerful men, etc., etc. And this morning the Today Show had the inevitable segment on why adultery is a biological imperative and monogamy is actually the unnatural state. I have some things to say about that.

First, say we accept the argument that evolution has programmed us this way, that it makes absolute sense from that standpoint to spread seed around like we still need to populate the earth. If that is your belief, I think that actually points to some obvious flaws in the argument.

First, aren't we supposed to be the most highly evolved critter around? Haven't we developed things that set us apart from other creatures--things like moral code, table manners, the ability to judge right and wrong? So can we not then say that those who give into these "inevitable" evolutionary urges are by definition less fully evolved? Good on you, Cro-Mag guy, way to sleep around!

Secondly, since when has something in our evolutionary past justified our more evolved present? Do we still drag our knuckles on the ground? No, because it's no longer necessary. We no longer have gills or feathers or whatever the latest family tree says is in our past. We don't have them because we don't need them. Can you imagine someone getting caught "gilling" and using the excuse, "I can't help it, honey! It's a biological imperative--millions of years of evolution have gone into my need to do this!" "But we don't live underwater anymore! That's just idiotic!"

Say men are programmed to look for the best partner of the moment, whether that's their chosen partner or not. (And leaving aside, for the moment, the fact that more women than ever are also cheating). How much of an excuse can that really be? I've just never understood the inability to admit, "Yeah, I looked and lusted in a split second before I realized it, but after that initial unconcious slip that I can be excused for, I made a lot of conscious choices that led me to actually have sex with this person." It's not like adultery doesn't usually take some planning. You don't see a woman at the bank or at your child's school and accidently boink her as you walk by. You still have to woo or be wooed, however abbreviated the process might be. You are culpable for every one of those decisions along that continuum. Biology can answer why you notice or appreciate, but past that, biology's just allowing you to get it up; it's not calling the hooker or booking the motel.

Harses, harses, harses, harses...

Pardon me while I indulge my inner pre-teen.

I got to play with horsies! I got to play with horsies! Whee!!!

*ahem* Thank you.

Last night I spent my first night as a volunteer for the Equest Center for Therapeutic Riding.

It was sort of a full circle thing for me. When I was 14, I spent the summer with my aunt in Lansing and was supposed to get a job--thus spake Aunt Stella. Only one problem: I was 14. I went on one job interview at Hot 'n Now, waited in line in the hot summer sun, went inside the dark shed out back (this is sounding seedier with every word), and handed over my application. Things were going well until the manager realized how old I was and dismissed me summarily. I can't say I wasn't relieved.

Caring only that my idle hands not become the devil's handmaidens, Aunt Stella agreed to volunteer work and I found the perfect "job" at the Beekman Riding Center. I groomed horses, I led them around the grounds and the arena, and I did a heck of a lot of mucking out. And I loved it!

Last night, I went back to being a volunteer for the same kind of center. I knew only vaguely what to expect, but I was excited to be working around horses again. I walked in and breathed deep the wonderful earthy aroma peculiar to horse barns and it felt so familiar. Then I started getting a sketchy tour-lette from the lead volunteer and realized how very much I've forgotten. How do I saddle a horse again? Curry, THEN brush, right? Which side do I lead from? How do I wield this hoof pick?! I felt inept and silly. And I kept having to wander up to random people and ask, "Can I help you?" and "What do I do?" So I groomed. I untacked. I swept. I lead a pony in from the corral. I toted water. I swept. I helped a girl unmanure the arena. I swept.

I keep having to remind myself of something Jody and I have talked about. When you're used to doing things well on the first try, it becomes difficult to pursue those tasks at which you don't automatically succeed. I had to tell myself over and over again, "But you will know what you're doing someday. You'll learn the horses's names. You'll remember how to be comfortable in a stable. You'll do fine when you've been here a few weeks. It's called a learning curve!"

It's better this morning. The whole experience has been shucked of the awkwardness and uselessness I felt much of the night last night. All that's left is the giddy horselover jumping up and down, clapping her hands and squealing, "I got to play with horsies!"
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This is the pony I got to groom last night. His name is Silver and he was very kind to me. I do so love grooming.

C. S. Lewis on blogging

Well, perhaps not directly. But I found this quote from God in the Dock on another blogger's blog about the proliferation of "Christian" blogs that read more like Republican blogs in the name of God. Which doesn't necessarily follow.

At any rate, this is one of the reasons I love C. S. Lewis: for saying things I think or have been trying to say for years in a manner befitting, rather than my halted and stumbling ramblings on same. Our way to evangelize or to glorify God is not to be the loudest or the most strident or the most obnoxious. It is to strive to reflect our God in whatever situation or field we find ourselves, like Daniel and his friends who rose above the crowd in Babylon, trusting that the excellence we can bring to any situation is God's excellence. Who's greatness can shine more than His?

And there I go a'ramblin. Why don't you read Lewis instead? He's better.

I believe that any Christian who is qualified to write a good popular book on any science may do much more by that than by any directly apologetic work.

The difficulty we are up against is this. We can make people (often) attend to the Christian point of view for half an hour or so; but the moment they have gone away from our lecture or laid down our article, they are plunged back into a world where the opposite position is taken for granted. As long as that situation exists, widespread success is simply impossible. We must attack the enemy's line of communication.

What we want is not more little books about Christianity, but more little books by Christians about other subjects--with their Christianity latent. You can see this most easily if you look at it the other way around. Our Faith is not very likely to be shaken by any book on Hinduism. But if whenever we read an elementary book on Geology, Botany, Politics, or Astronomy, we found that its implications were Hindu, that would shake us. It is not the books written in direct defence of Materialism that make the modern man a materialist; it is the materialistic assumptions in all the other books.

In the same way, it is not books on Christianity that will really trouble him. But he would be troubled if, whenever he wanted a cheap popular introduction to some science, the best work on the market was always by a Christian. The first step to the re-conversion of this country is a series, produced by Christians. . . Its Christianity would have to be latent, not explicit: and of course its science perfectly honest. Science twisted in the interests of apologetics would be sin and folly.
--C. S. Lewis, "Christian Apologetics," in C. S. Lewis, God in the Dock: Essays on Theology and Ethics, edited by Walter Hooper. Grand Rapids, Michigan: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1970, pp. 89-103. Quote is from p. 93.