Responsibility of Creation

Just before I started this blog thing up again, I read through what I've already posted. One thing punched me in the face: I talk about writing a LOT.

I promised myself that, this time around, I'd try not to do that. But you know what? Forget it. That's dumb. Writing is what I DO. So...

I don't know how many of you are writers, whether you dabble or make a living at it or anywhere on the spectrum. But I have a ponder to pose: do you ever find yourself working on something that, when you step back from it, you know is good, if only you can keep it going until it emerges completely. Like, seriously, deeply good?

I have a couple of things like that right now ("Venezia" and "Susurrus," if you're curious). I've had a few throughout my life.

I don't think I've ever finished a single one of them. I've never felt ready, if that makes sense. I remember being very aware as a teenager that, if I wrote that particular piece now, I'd ruin it, and I didn't want to. But I'm not sure I ever got back to those pieces, either, so now it feels like a waste not to try something.

Part of my hangup is that. I don't want to mess it up. But who else am I going to give it to? Because I often do want to give it away to a better writer. "Here, work your magic on this," I'd say. Even though their magic didn't come up with it in the first place and that would be doing it just as great a disservice.

Part of it is the sheer weight of responsibility. I can see what it should be. I know where I need to go with it, and how utterly good it can be. But I HAVE TO DO IT. And if I can't get the discipline to do it right, I fail both of us completely. PRESSURE.

Part of it is a very weird fear of success that is just too complicated to get into here. Suffice to say that success has...implications.

It's like I've got an amazing muse who just flits off halfway through, distracted by squirrels and rainbows and  necromancy (which is not what I meant to type, but I'm leaving it, because it's valid), breezing over her shoulder, "You've got this, right?" on her way.

No. But I'll try.

Any other writers have any idea what I'm talking about? Or non-writers, for that matter--maybe this is a universal thing.