I should be working right now.
I'm taking the time to ramble and grumble and kvetch.
Today is one of those days in which you wake up and everything SEEMS fine. But the longer the day goes on (and it's only ten a.m. right now), the grumpier you get. I'm trying not to be, I swear! There's no real reason for it. There are a hundred little things that normally wouldn't bother me even all clumped together as they are--yet today they are the stinging gnats carrying teeny tiny buckets of lemon juice they release over an open wound I can't remember getting.
Yesterday I got a lot accomplished for one project and took it as far as it could go. But in so doing, I missed a very good friend's birthday, even though I KNEW it was coming up for once. I had a couple of fairly awkward phone conversations with a person I normally speak quite easily with--and it was my fault. I have another extremely important project that I should have done weeks ago, but keep putting off for reasons I don't understand. It is the possible culmination of a number of dreams and yet I can't seem to sit down and do it. And it MUST be done by the end of the month...which is swiftly approaching. (It also must be secret--I'll 'splain later). I can't seem to find the time to sit down and write for my writer's group tomorrow night, but I have to find something to take because I skipped the last meeting for lack of material. And that's when zillions of new people showed up. I forgot to take the trash out again! I only have leftover soggy pizza from last week for lunch today. I need to do laundry and I don't have quarters.
Normally, other than the frustration about the "very important project," I'd deal with the other stuff just fine. After all, against all of that, I got to see very dear friends this weekend for hours on end, I get to go to an Inklings Conference at the end of the week, next weekend I'm hitching a ride to Chicago to see very dear friends again, and my best friend is getting married in one month and two days. These are all fantastic things. I'm in controlled debt only, I have a roof over my head, I read a good book yesterday, and I'm getting a decent tax return. These are little things that are great.
It's just a Jonah day, I suppose.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thoughts on the relative nature of personality
That sounds far more high-falutin' than this is likely to end up. This is prompted by a review of my Johari window a few days ago. I noticed my old roommate Kelly jumped on board at some point to bring my grand total of "people who took the time to choose six words of me-ness" to five. (Still a bit shy of my longed-for goal of 8, but vastly beyond my expectation of 1 and a half).
I'm noticing more and more how distinct my personality is to different people. Now, I've sort of known this about myself for a very long time. I'm adaptable and polite in my interactions with people according to their expectations and my desires. I think everyone probably is. This is slightly different than that, I'd say. More along the lines of how good friends, each with their own distinct personality, draw out different facets of me. Different social situations do the same--which would explain why the two people who describe me is "silly" both lived with me for extended periods of time. I'm a freakin' nut job, people, and it's fun. I'm also often fairly guarded about it (I'm aware it can frighten the weak), so you may see only glimpses...unless you get to spend vast amounts of time with me.
You get a taste of these thoughts in the comments section for the original Johari post. So I'm going to cut and paste a bit here, because it's easier to cheat:
Kastie says:
Nonetheless, it's fascinating to see how different people think of me. John and Amy (at least, I'm almost positive the third anonymous is Amy) chose adjectives that very much describe not only me as a whole, but who *I* think they think of me as specifically with respect to them.
[Amy replies: Why yes, I AM the 3rd anonymous. You are very perceptive.]
And then there's the anonymous person who clearly thinks of me as a frightened mouse of a person--their choices are all words like "nervous" and "self-conscious," and "shy." Not that I'm not occasionally some of those things, but I'm not remotely exclusively or even mainly described by them. So I'm fascinated by who that might be (I have my suspicions) and hope that someday they'll see what those other labellers see.
So. Do you really know me as well as you think you do? As much as I crave being deeply known, I think there are probably very few people -- including those I consider close friends -- who actually do. In fact, I'm not sure one can ever really know someone else completely because of how personality tends to shift as needed. There are general traits that stay constant (most people seem to agree that I'm intelligent, for example), but others -- however true they are -- are only really apparent in relation to not only IF you trust someone but HOW you trust them.
I wander away now to get lost in a fog of happy contemplation. Please, PLEASE feel free to comment and/or add to the conversation or, if you have not yet done so, to click through to my Johari window and add your own definition of me. (I'd love to know your name if you're feeling brave. I have three anonymouses, fer cryin' out loud!)
I'm noticing more and more how distinct my personality is to different people. Now, I've sort of known this about myself for a very long time. I'm adaptable and polite in my interactions with people according to their expectations and my desires. I think everyone probably is. This is slightly different than that, I'd say. More along the lines of how good friends, each with their own distinct personality, draw out different facets of me. Different social situations do the same--which would explain why the two people who describe me is "silly" both lived with me for extended periods of time. I'm a freakin' nut job, people, and it's fun. I'm also often fairly guarded about it (I'm aware it can frighten the weak), so you may see only glimpses...unless you get to spend vast amounts of time with me.
You get a taste of these thoughts in the comments section for the original Johari post. So I'm going to cut and paste a bit here, because it's easier to cheat:
Kastie says:
Nonetheless, it's fascinating to see how different people think of me. John and Amy (at least, I'm almost positive the third anonymous is Amy) chose adjectives that very much describe not only me as a whole, but who *I* think they think of me as specifically with respect to them.
[Amy replies: Why yes, I AM the 3rd anonymous. You are very perceptive.]
And then there's the anonymous person who clearly thinks of me as a frightened mouse of a person--their choices are all words like "nervous" and "self-conscious," and "shy." Not that I'm not occasionally some of those things, but I'm not remotely exclusively or even mainly described by them. So I'm fascinated by who that might be (I have my suspicions) and hope that someday they'll see what those other labellers see.
So. Do you really know me as well as you think you do? As much as I crave being deeply known, I think there are probably very few people -- including those I consider close friends -- who actually do. In fact, I'm not sure one can ever really know someone else completely because of how personality tends to shift as needed. There are general traits that stay constant (most people seem to agree that I'm intelligent, for example), but others -- however true they are -- are only really apparent in relation to not only IF you trust someone but HOW you trust them.
I wander away now to get lost in a fog of happy contemplation. Please, PLEASE feel free to comment and/or add to the conversation or, if you have not yet done so, to click through to my Johari window and add your own definition of me. (I'd love to know your name if you're feeling brave. I have three anonymouses, fer cryin' out loud!)
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